Preschool Confidential

I came across a fantastic article in a parenting magazine while in my doctor's office on Tuesday. So, of course, I ripped it out and put it in my purse. It's written by an anonymous preschool teacher to the parents of preschool children. I'm posting the best points, the ones that I found to be especially true during my seven years of teaching preschool:

-School clothes can-and should-be playclothes. Our job is to keep your children happy and inspired, which often involves getting messy. No one here will judge you unkindly if your child doesn't look like she just stepped out of a Polo ad.

-About goodbyes: A kiss, hug, and, "Have a super day!" is all that's needed. With the exception of the beginning of the year, when your child is still getting adjusted, you shouldn't linger. And please don't sneak out. Your child will become more desperate to catch you, which ups the stress factor enormously. It's better to make a clear departure, even if he cries, because then he knows what's going on, which helps him feel more in control of the situation.

-You do not need to give me a holiday gift. I will love your child no matter what. But if you do: gift cards are not impersonal - they're wonderful. Even in very small denominations. I really, really don't need any more scented candles.

-Busy preschoolers often wait until the last minute to go to the potty. Belts and excess buttons may look cute, but even grown-up fingers can fumble when the pressure is on (and you know how they squirm when they really need to go). Aim for easy-on, easy-off attire.

-I won't agree that your 4-year-old is ready for kindergarten. I also won't write a letter to the school district attesting to this. Because here's the thing: Children don't always develop evenly. That means that the kid who is way ahead this month may slow down and be exactly where her peers are in six months' time. And that just because a child can already add and subtract, it doesn't mean she knows how to get along with her classmates. So putting a child with an older age group can be really stressful for her, for us, and, ultimately, for you.

-If your child throws up after breakfast, chances are it's not a one-time event (YES, I, ANN-MARIE, HAD PARENTS BRING IN CHILDREN WHO HAD GOTTEN SICK JUST HOURS BEFORE). Keep her home.

-A Nutella sandwich, chocolate milk, and cookie is not a lunch. It is a small dessert buffet.

- Please tell me the appeal of those yogurt-squirting tubes, and if you can't, then consider another way to get your child his calcium (I, ANN-MARIE, HAVE BEEN SQUIRTED BY THOSE MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT. HATE THEM!)

-Read my notes home. I know they're chirpy and have way too many exclamation points (and, no, I don't talk that way to my husband). But sometimes I have important news about classroom events and if you don't keep up, your child will suffer the consequences. There's always one child who comes to Pajama Day in regular clothes or whose parents don't show up for the class play, and we always feel sorry for her. These are not life-altering events, but they mean a lot to your preschooler.

-End your cell-phone call before pick-up. It's hard for your child to share the excitement of her day with you if you're on the phone. And trust me - these joyous greetings won't last.

-If you are going to chat with other moms for half an hour after school, please don't think that we are still responsible for your kids. Much as we like them, after pick-up, they are yours.

-Relish these days. Your children grow up and return to me with their long legs, grown-up teeth, and first-grade readers tucked under their arms, and the little kid is gone forever. Don't stress about things that will pass, like when she'll learn to tie her shoes or when he'll stop sucking his thumb. Instead, revel in the innocent, fleeting happiness that is life with a preschooler.